I breathed a sigh of relief at that point, but I knew it would be a mistake to leave it at that.
"Okay," I repeated. "Okay...meaning...?"
"I'm not gonna do it." Her voice was raspy, but she sounded so much better than she had. Grounded. Calmer. I'm pretty sure I said something at this point that even got a weak little laugh from her, but I have no idea now what it was that I said.
She apologized again for calling so late; I told her, sincerely, that I was glad she had. "Anytime." After she promised I'd see her at school in the morning, we said goodnight.
Exhausted as I was, sleep was a long time in coming. I agonized over whether or not I had handled the situation correctly, whether I should have said or done something more. Should I call someone? That seemed like it would be a violation of the trust M had placed in me. Should I go down there? She lived just down the street, but that didn't seem like a good option either. She had told me she was okay. I had to look deep inside and ask myself if I believed her. I realized that I did. Just as I had known things were serious by the way she sounded when I picked up the phone, I could tell by her voice that the storm was at least temporarily over when we were done.
Still, I sought her out first thing when I arrived at the high school the next day. My heart skipped a beat when I saw her. She was pale, and her eyes were red, but she was there. I had my arms around her before she even knew I was there. "It's good to see you," I whispered.
I talked to J as soon as I could that day to bring him up to speed on what had happened. We spent a great deal of time discussing what we could and should do for her. We went through and named several school faculty and staff members that we could possibly talk to and rejected each of them for one reason or another. We knew she had dealt with a number of them before, and that they hadn't really helped, and that she was therefore leery of them. So, in the end, we decided we would be her support system. We'd encourage her to talk to us whenever it seemed like something might be bothering her; we'd be sure to tell her often how much she meant to us; we'd be certain she knew she could call us under any circumstances at any time; we'd try to talk her out of the relationship she was in, which was obviously unhealthy. We knew we had to be vigilant, and that we'd have to get help if there were any further incidents, but we felt like that was our best option at the time.
Maybe that seems like we were playing with fire, and I suppose we were, to a certain extent. All I can say is that we didn't take our position lightly or go into it without a great deal of thought. It seemed like the best thing we could do at the time. And looking back with the benefit of hindsight, it worked. As it turned out, we didn't have to talk M out of her boyfriend. She moved on from him shortly thereafter (maybe immediately thereafter) with no coaxing from us. And we were as good as our word on everything else. The three of us continued to take great joy in our companionship, and we made sure we expressed it - not just J and I to M, but all three of us to each other. And that made things better for all of us, I think.
We've drifted apart over the course of the years since high school, as people tend to do. J and I are still in contact and get together occasionally. I think he and M might communicate every once in a great while, but I could be wrong about that. I think sometimes about getting in touch with her, and I always wonder if maybe it isn't easier for her if those old days are just left behind. Sometimes a little bird will whisper some news of her to me, and knowing that she's out there and happy is enough. |
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